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My Feminism Plays Nice with BDSM

By: Lilith

As a feminist I struggle with what i feel is objectifying and counter to my feminist philosophies daily, as I encounter various television shows, movies, books and hashtag activism online. I’ve even struggled with how I interact with pornography. As a staunch sex-positive person, I feel that embracing pleasure as a right and exploring one’s body in whatever way (consensual and legally speaking) pleases oneself is healthy and wonderfully fulfilling. Yet, one cannot deny the truth, some pornography (I will not generalize and say that all or even most) is demeaning and perpetuates the very sexist patriarchal institutions that we (as a people) must negotiate for our very safety and equity everyday. This brings me to what type of porn can I personally watch which is less offensive and gets me off still. There is in fact feminist pornography which uses many sex-positive tactics and consent-based platforms to show conversation, expression of desires and needs, and the mutual fulfillment of both (or all) parties involved. What about if you just want to jerk it, quick and dirty so you can go to sleep quickly? Maybe watching porn with no volume, no English subtitles, what about Henti? That way you don’t have to worry about those people being real. The jury is still out for me about porn, but I don’t judge others (nor myself at times) for watching it.

As I mentioned, feminists have it hard sometimes because it seems like wherever you turn, there is something wrong. To be clear, I am not suggesting that feminists should stop being so easily offended or that being politically correct is really being overly sensitive and wanting to be offended. When you open your eyes to the world around us, you start to see a lot of ridiculous and wrong things around you, and just because you happen to not let your friend get away with that HILARIOUS racist joke, does not mean that you are intolerant of intolerance (in a bad way).

So what does a feminist do when they are into kink or BDSM? Well, the first step is research. In some ways, kink is a wonderful expression of core feminist ideology because the proper exploration and enjoyment of kink is dependent on trust, conversation and consent. A popular saying within the BDSM community is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. In a Dominant and Submissive relationship or a Master and Slave relationship, the conversation on what each person is hoping to get from the interaction, what each desires and the hard lines they do not enjoy nor want to explore is key to a successful and fulfilling relationship. BDSM is honest and enjoys the power dynamics which exists between people in today’s society but instead of men dominating women (which some are into for kink), power dynamics are amazingly diverse within the community. Women dominate men, LGBTQ+ individuals dominant/submissive others, and everything else one can think of. Power in the BDSM community is not the privilege of a select few determined by the sex assigned at birth or the colour of one’s skin but rather it is earned, respected and given within a circle of trust and communication. Furthermore, power does not lie solely in the hands of the Dominant or Master but instead, much of the power is controlled by the Submissive or Slave. This is achieved by the use of a safe word, which if used properly, immediately stops whatever the individual is uncomfortable with or does not enjoy.

A true Dom or Master does not want to abuse (i use this word deliberately) their Sub or Slave, in fact, many of those kinds of relationships are ones of friendship, and love. Partially this is because BDSM and Kink are still viewed as deviant and undesirable sexualities within the larger mainstream culture and therefore, sharing part of one’s true sexual self and sexual culture can be intimate and wonderfully liberating. The image the mainstream society has of kink and BDSM as a Sub crying in the corner, beaten and bruised is not a true representation of the culture and community but is instead a horrible backlash to an alternative of the sexuality we are taught to have and the sex we are taught to participate in. The variety that one sees in the people around them can be seen in the kind of sex people have, kinky or otherwise. Furthermore, not all are into pain, and those who are, experiment in a safe and educated way.

It must be said that while I love kink and BDSM, there are those who abuse the culture and community and those who do not in essence, follow the rules. There are predators, just like anywhere you go (sadly), one must be careful when entering any new community with little knowledge and people to look out for you. There are abusers which say they are Dominants or Masters, just look at the Jian Ghomeshi. I won’t sugarcoat it and say that everyone respects the core ideology of BDSM but I will say that there are by far (by far far far) more wonderful, inclusive people in the community than there are predators (the male, female or otherwise kind). Because of the core ideology of BDSM the support within the community is overwhelming for newcomers or longtime practitioners. I love Kink and BDSM for that, it and its community members gives me a kind of power built on trust and communication and I give power back. The kind of feminism I believe in and practice everyday, feels great about kink because its what I enjoy and what many others do as well. You don’t have to be into kink to be a feminist, you don’t have to be into whips and chains (though they can be a lot of fun), but in my kind of feminism; you can’t hate or discriminate against someone who practices Safe, Sane, Consensual fun just because you don’t enjoy the same thing.

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8 Kink Essentials for Play

By: Lilith

As kink and BDSM become more mainstream and growing in popularity, sexstores are increasingly trying to meet the demand and thus there are so many different tools, toys and learning material to get you started on your kinky path. Where to start, what to get and how to use them become important questions for beginners and even those more advanced in their exploration. Here we have listed Wicked Wanda’s top 8 kink kit essentials for those experimenting and exploring. Of course, it is highly debatable what are essential kink items and every kinkster will have a slightly different kit depending on the type of play they enjoy and so on. Experimentation is one of the best parts of kink so try out a couple of tools and toys and see what works.

Note: Kink and BDSM functions on a key rule: Safe, Sane. Consensual. If play ever breaks this rule then no longer is it kink and BDSM and often it will be considered illegal and dangerous.

1. Blindfold: Blindfolds are a perfect way to start experimenting with kink for aesthetic and practical purposes. While a blindfold can be a great way to set a scene and get someone in the mode, it can also relieve pressure and nervousness for both partners. The submissive partner or the person being dominated becomes released from responsibility of what is happening. They are no longer in charge and can relax and submit to their partner’s actions. There is a wonderful saying that there is “happiness in submission” and this is largely the appeal for submissives or slaves. The Dominant partner also becomes released from having to perform in some senses. Of course they are still instigating the play but say they drop a toy or stumble in their heels, the submissive cannot see this and therefore the Dominant also becomes released from their nervousness and can relax into the role without pressure. Of course the primary purpose of a blindfold is to block a person from seeing, which can sharpen other senses and sensations and they no longer know where the sensations may come from–heightening the thrill and surprise. All playing should be spoken about before engaging in play especially once the submissive partner becomes more immobilized, this is to ensure consent and a pleasurable fulfilling experience for all involved.

 

2. Bondage Tape: When beginning to experiment with bondage, safety becomes extremely important. You can start your bondage exploration with many different types of toys and tools such as handcuffs, rope, leather cuffs and so forth but the safest and often most cost efficient tool is bondage tape. Many of the other tools often leave marks and require a certain level of training to use properly and safely with fun results, bondage tape however requires very little learning and can be quite versatile. This kind of tape is unique because it does not have adhesive but rather the material sticks to itself creating a nice firm hold without residue that your partner may be sensitive too. Another positive is that with enough force, your partner can break from the bondage tape if needed. Whether you want to do a simple wrist tie to a bed-frame or door, or hogtie someone, this tool is safe enough and versatile enough to handle your creativity. You can even use the tape as a gag or blindfold because it has no adhesive.

Note: Never wrap tape or any other kind of bondage material around the neck. This is very dangerous and can easily lead to serious injuries or death. If you want to experiment with breath play or withholding oxygen, do some serious research first and discuss with your partner in depth. Most kinksters and kink stores like Wicked Wanda’s do not suggest any kind of breath play because of the level of danger.

3. Feather Duster or Crop: When experimenting with different sensations, pain is not always the goal. In fact, many kinksters prefer very little pain in their play, instead focusing more on mind-games, role-playing or sensation play. A feather duster is a great way to experiment with sensitive spots without intimidating your partner or risking any kind of harm. You can explore your partner’s body or your own and often pairing this with some bondage and sense-deprivation like blindfolds or gags can enhance the sensation of the feathers. Crops are fun as well if you want to lean more to domination or little to mild pain. The wonderful advantage of crops are that they are extensions of your hand and so you can guide and control your partner with the crop head and correct them if need be. This can be a very fun way to tease and do some role-playing without getting hardcore. Crops are easy to wield and often are not overly painful. Again playing with the sensation spectrum, crops allow for sensual exploration without much training or practice.

Note: Even with little play like using a crop there are still areas of the body you should avoid hitting in case of injury and/or permanent damage. This includes head, neck, spine, stomach (kidneys and bladder don’t like being hit at all), joints (shoulders, hips, elbows, ankles and knees). Many of these are common sense areas not to hit however it is best to clarify with your partner and ask if they have any sore spots or a bad arm for example. Remember that meaty areas like the butt, thighs, and back (across the shoulder-blades) are great places to hit depending on what your partner wants. Safe, Sane and Consensual always.

4. Paddles: One of my personal favorites for kink play is a simple wooden paddle. There are many different kinds of paddles, made of different materials like leather, plastic, rubber, metal and plexi-glass but a classic is classic for a reason and wood rocks aesthetically and practically. For some, paddles have a wonderful sound upon impact that they love and crave, whereas others love the soft but firm impact itself. Generally used as a spanking tool due to its often non-flexible design, a paddle can make a domFind our selection in storeinant feel powerful and a submissive feel pleasurably helpless. As with any play, especially impact play, partners should discuss boundaries and what they are willing to try (soft-limits) and not (also known as hardlimits). Many who start spanking will use a flat hand for heighten control of where the impact lands and for the intimacy of skin on skin contact, others prefer to use a paddle so to not wear out their hands. Even for some, it is the threat of the paddle which brings excitement and tension into a scene, whether it is used or not. Of course, be careful where you hit and follow the guidelines above. Also do some research before you start leaving marks on people’s body.

Note: Most kinksters, whether they are doing impact play or experimenting with pain or bondage or not, will have a safe word that a submissive can use if the play becomes too hard or they are uncomfortable for any reason and want to stop. Some prefer using a colour system where green is good, yellow is nearing the edge and red is stop. Others prefer a word they would never use in play to signal the dominant to stop like pineapple or hedgehog. Make sure it is easy for both you and the dominant to remember and when the word or colour is used, this means to immediately stop. If your submissive cannot speak because of a gag or other reasons, make sure to provide another method to communicate with. A pair of keys is a great way to make noise signalling the dominant to stop when they are drop out of the submissive’s hand. While hopefully the safeword is never needed, it is important to have this safety measure to ensure safe and fun play and to put all parties at ease.

 

5. The Magic Wand or other Vibes: An exciting part of kinky play is the tease and sexual gratification or even withholding an orgasm to further tease. This can be a kind of consensual torture to stimulate the submissive with vibrating toys or wandering hands yet not allow release or to dictate when release is allowed. Many kinksters love the Hitachi Magic Wand due to its power, durability and long-lasting life (Check out Lilith’s review of the rechargeable HERE). Pick a favorite vibe and tease your submissive. This can be for submissives of any gender, the trick is to experiment with what gets an reaction.

6. Rope: When exploring how creative your bondage arrangements can be, rope can often be considered essential for its extremely versatile applications and the beautiful visual appeal of it on the body. This is not as user-friendly as bondage tape because to use it properly and to its fullest capacity one should check out; rope classes, workshops and tutorials. There are dangers when playing with rope which include nerve-damage, suffocation, and bruising, so being safe and careful about how you More colours and types in storeuse rope is important. Youtube has many fantastic videos to help teach you from the comforts of your home. There are also many different kinds of rope including silk, bamboo silk, hemp, cotton and Jute. All of them have different textures, strength and price tags. Often beginners start with silk or cotton ropes because they are inexpensive but they do start to fringe and breakdown over time quicker than others. Experiment with what texture and strength you need within your budget to see what works for you. There are so many different colours as well!

7. Gags: There are many types of gags which you can play with, including the traditional ball gag, breathers (with holes for easier breathing), open gags, spider gags, and etc. There are also different sizes to best fit the submissive’s mouth. Look for a gag with nice soft edges near the mouth so to make sure your submissive’s mouth won’t be cut or bruised by wearing the gag. As another form of sense- deprivation, gags block the submissive from speaking and thus makes them more helpless and the dominant more powerful and in control. They can also help to limit the amount of noise made if your neighbors are close by. Remember to give the submissive another way to communicate if they have reached their limit.

 

Note: While it is often stressed that the submissive should have a safeword and be in control of the situation ending if they react their limit, many forget that dominants are people with limits as well. A dominant should also be able to stop play if it gets too intense or they feel uncomfortable without feeling ashamed or afraid of disappointment. Whether they use a word or simply stop the play, dominants also need to be considered during play. Submissives who push their dominant’s past their comfort lines are enacting a kind of dangerous topping from the bottom and often this is a good indicator of an unhealthy BDSM or kink relationship, just as a dominant pushing a submissive past their limits raises warning flags as well. Aftercare therefore, is for both partners-not just the submissive.

8. Nipple Clamps: Another tool for sensation play which can causes pain or heightened sensitivity, nipple clamps are versatile and vary considerably based on type, size and material. Some are used to decorate the body while others are used during play, and this largely depends on what kind of experience you are looking for. Often beginners should start with very adjustable clamps because it is difficult to know how hard a submissive can take. Tweezer clamps are great for this but check out all the other different kinds because while function is important aesthetic is too. Don’t keep nipple clamps on too long for they do cut off blood-flow. Generally, your submissive will tell you if they have lost feeling in their nipples and this is a good sign to take of the clamps. You can also use clamps on the vaginal lips, clitoris or the scrotum, have fun experimenting and trying out what gets your submissive wiggling.

This is only a small list of some tools and toys to consider when exploring the wonderful and creative world of kink. It doesn’t take a ton of money or time to try out these 8 things but it does take some research.

Play safe my kinky friends.

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The Booty Blog #7 Squirting from Anal

By: Lilith

Hey Booty Lovers! It has been awhile and I’ve been doing some important work with my ass to bring you more information about anal and the wonderful world of butt-loving! I’ve started from very little exploring to out right squirting from using a large vibrating anal plug from our friends over at FunToy! My cute little puckered hole has seen more action these last two years then ever before. Sometimes, I get asked how I manage to integrate talking about booty fun in nearly every conversation and well… I’ve not come up with a good enough answer yet other then it is simply fun! But let’s get back to the real topic at hand… squirting from buttplay!

The debate is longstanding about whether squirting (here meaning female ejaculation) is achievable for all people with girl parts or only a select few and I thought I was one of those people that just couldn’t. Let alone, the medical community is still not entirely convinced what squirting is but for those who have experienced it, you know that it is not entirely pee and can be a very rejuvenating experience. Check out an expert in squirting, Muse Fontaine and her Squirt Project for all of the potential benefits physically, sexually and spiritually.

As someone who works in a sex store I’ve encountered lots of people who have achieved squirting, who are still trying and who experience it on a constant basis but all of these people and experts have the same general idea of how it works in common. Stimulating the g-spot in just the right way (individual to the person) and with the perfect storm of hydration, and stimulation (mental and otherwise) female-bodied people can squirt by themselves or from another person. Many people argue that to stimulate the g-spot you need to do the come-hither motion using fingers or a toy, others believe that it is more like jack-hammering a hook like shape which sounds terrifying but vaginas are way tougher then they look. For me it took a traditional butt plug shape at the right angle while laying down with vibration on my clit and before I knew it, it was explosive. Having the plug rub in just the right spot through the wall separating the vaginal and anal canal did the trick.

Another misconception I learned was that you only squirt during an orgasm, this was untrue for me. Rather, I squirted and it catapulted me towards a powerful climax but the squirting did not come as a result of climax for me.

Ultimately, I’ve seen people put a lot of pressure on themselves to squirt, feeling like they are defective if they have not yet experienced it. To that I argue that the human body is an incredibly complex system and add our equally, if not more so, complex brains… it really does take a perfect storm to make it happen. Putting so much pressure on ourselves, our bodies and our partners is not healthy and makes it so much more difficult to let happen. It happened for me quite unexpectedly! I would have put down a towel if I had!

Likewise, there are so many people who feel guilty, less desirable or gross because they do squirt. This is a natural function of some people’s bodies and therefore should not be demonized by archaic ideas which position the body as inherently dirty. It does take combating the reactionary shame one may feel about their body and their function with the logical, thinking part of your brain that knows that your body does stuff for a reason… not because you are defective. This can be quite a process of coming to a place where you love your body and the natural things that it does but ultimately it can be very liberating and exciting.

Try out using your fingers or a partners in different ways and even experiment with some toys. I know that using a toy bigger then I have before, helped to get me squirting but you can also try less big ones, whether they are vibrating or not.

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The Booty Blog: #6 Personal Musings on Taking the Time

By: Lilith

As I’ve continued to explore booty fun I note myself finding it difficult to make  time to focus on anal play. While those will anal enthused partners may find encouragement to further the bum fun, as a bird flying solo it seems like anal is hard to make a sexual priority. I certainly am surrounded by it every day that I work in a sex store and my opinion of anal as an exciting and healthy sexual expression has not waned, but I’ve noted that focusing on the bum is at times not an easy task.

Don’t get me wrong, when I buy a new toy excitement like Christmas overtakes and I start to plan immediately how to enjoy my new friend and most importantly; how to prep for the fun to be had. I think that is what really sets anal and vaginal fun a part for me as a cis-gendered woman, it is the time taken to prepare for anal that the vagina just doesn’t need as much. Of course, by prep I mean making sure (frankly) that you’ve pooped recently, are all cleaned up down there through douching or showering and that you take the time to warm up. At least for me as a beginner in a sense, if I want to get off quickly before hitting the sack to sleep, anal is not the way to do it. While I have experienced some intense sensations trying booty stuff that I would definitely describe as pleasurable, that only happened after much time of prep, and exploration of the backdoor. No quick rub out, at least for me, when it comes to butt stuff.

Talking with other down-below explorers in the sex-store I work at has made it abundantly clear that my problem of “finding time” for anal is not an uncommon one. While those of various sexual orientations may partake in anal fun regularly because their options may be limited in the area of penetration, I find myself thinking- vaginal just seems easier. While speaking to customers in the store, this sentiment has come up multiple times and the introduction of a new toy has spurred the fires for some but for others, changing their very thoughts on anal is what is required.

I’ve had to re-imagine butt stuff in a way that is more encouraging to take the time. I’ve found that taking a non-sensual approach doesn’t work for me. If I think of booty play as a chore to “get it over with,” then I don’t want to do it. Seems rather obvious but in reality when you so dearly want to feel what others have felt and enjoy what others have described, the fastest way seems the most appropriate. I’ve learnt that while quickies have their place and time, often for butt stuff it just doesn’t fit. Like having to work up to bigger sizes, anal sex and more extreme booty fun, you’ve got to start slow for getting yourself ready. I need that sensual touch to enjoy it frankly. Whether that be taking a long and exploratory bath with dimmed lights and music or having the apartment to yourself for a few hours to give time to explore slowly with different toys and in different areas.

Our lives are extremely busy and sometimes it is really hard to take time to yourself. Have a cup of tea and watch a ridiculous movie or take a couple of hours in the bath with your favorite booty toy. Exploring anal fun does not have to be a chore but it is instead how you think about it. Take the time for yourself and your body, you’ll thank yourself in the end- I did.

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Booty Blog #5: Beads, Plugs, and Trainers Oh My!

By: Lilith

The first thing to consider when looking for beginner anal toys is to figure out what your bumtastic goal is. Whether you are experimenting with a partner or simply trying it solo, there are so many possibilities in regards to booty play that having some direction is a good place to start. A kind of choose your own bunghole adventure-

  • I want to focus on anal sensations and including it into my sex routine but not overly interested in anal sex with a strap-on or penis.
  • I want to work up to being able to have anal sex with a strap-on or penis.

Let us consider first if anal sensations are what you are interested in exploring. If you consider anatomy (Check out Booty Blog #2) then we know that most of the nerve-ending are found in the first few inches of the butt and that is what makes bum play so pleasurable. When it comes to anything anal related the key is LOTS OF LUBE and TAKE IT SLOW AND STEADY. There is nothing worse than experimenting with yourself or another and accidentally hurting them and that can happen if you don’t take your time. Some of my favorite sensation-based toys are:

Option 1: I want to focus on anal sensations and including it into my sex routine but not overly interested in anal sex with a strap-on or penis.

  1. Anything size small or medium from the Platinum line of silicone butt plugs by Doc Johnson. They come in a variety of sizes that are great for any gender. I personally love using silicone toys for butt stuff because they are incredibly smooth and soft without being to flimsy and soap and water cleans them perfectly. Platinum products are hypoallergenic and phthalate-free so they are body-safe for everyone. These toys are specifically great because they don’t get in the way of any other sexual play which makes them great for getting used to having something in your butt. They are also fantastic because the soft silicone lets the body get accommodated to it and thus it doesn’t feel like a hard foreign object that is uncomfortable.While experimenting some notice that having a plug in feels like it can pop out at any moment. This is very common but an easy solution is to find a toy which has a nice narrow stem or neck so that the sphincter can close around it rather than being left open by a wide stem.
  • When looking for anal toys you’ll notice that almost all of them have a nice wide base and this is important to make sure the toy does not pull a Houdini act and disappear.
  1. A go-to which is often advocated for first time booty play is anal beads. There are so many types of anal beads on the market and because of the simple design there are many that are great for play. Silicone is generally the best but jelly material is also great. Booty Call is especially good for simple anal toys including beads. The great thing about beads is that you can slowly work your way up to thicker beads without having to upgrade the toy constantly. There is usually some space between beads which makes it easy to work slowly on getting larger penetration. It also feels amazing to slowly withdraw them as all those nerve-ending are touched. You can also experiment with more length as beads can be quite long. A positive/ negative of beads is that they are often for manual use only, meaning that you have to keep a hold of them when playing. The loops are usually made of the same soft silicone which makes it easy to accidentally slip inside too far. Yet keeping a hold of this toy is great for couples experimenting and the toy is great for all genders as well.
  • Always use lubricant when doing butt stuff. To learn more about lubricants and different kinds great for exploration of the back door check out Booty Blog #3.
  1. If prostate play is what’s on the menu then the toy has a unique shape specifically engineered to find and excite that part of the male body. Just like the elusive G-Spot on women, the P-Spot for men can be difficult to find. Products like the Silicone Prostate Locator by Dr. Joel is a great way of starting prostate play without breaking the bank or the ass. The curve found in these kinds of toys is what allows it to be so successful in creating pleasure and finding the prostate. While experimenting with the prostate, try gently rubbing back and forth to get the prostate to swell and thus become more sensitive. Men can experience some of the most intense orgasms of their lives when prostate play is added to the routine but it does take practice to find and stroke the gland in just the right way. Prostate play is also unique to those with male anatomy only.
  2. Vibrating is also a fantastic way to get your bum excited and can be used to get ready for deeper penetration or simply because it feels amazing. With all of those nerve-endings in the bum, for beginners vibration is totally new to those nerves and can be overwhelmingly pleasurable. It can also help individuals to loosen up in a literal and figurative way. Kits like Anal Fantasy’s feature multiple different heads and a very simple vibrator to experiment with and enjoy. These kinds of kits however are often for manual use only as there are no bases to some of the attachments.
  • Sometimes you will find kits with desensitizing cream. I strongly recommend that you never use desensitizing cream for anal play. Your body is a high functioning machine which tells you when you are going too far and/or too fast, listen to it. Desensitizing creams also take the point out of experimenting with anal; the whole point is to feel the sensations and not necessarily how fast you can push yourself or another to larger penetration. They are also usually not good for the body and can cause minor changes to the chemical makeup of your body.

Option 2: I want to work up to being able to have anal sex with a strap-on or penis.

When it comes to building up for deeper anal penetration or more simply anal sex, the goal is not so much sensations in the first few inches but going deeper and bigger over time. Toys discussed early like plugs or beads will feel pleasurable but none of them but the largest are anywhere near the size or length of an average penis or dildo. Furthermore, the shape of most plugs, vibrating or not, is not the same as instruments for anal sex. The best way to build up to anal penetration and what is most affordable usually is to get anal training kits. There are tons on the market and really your choice will depend on the preference of shape and material. As I’ve noted before, I prefer the feel of silicone for my toys however others enjoy jellies. These training kits often have three or more different sizes to build up too and often are shaped for continued movement in and out of the bum rather than just staying in and leaving them. In my experience talking to new anal explorers at the store, many are reluctant if not downright saying no to the largest of the anal toys in these kits. It is important to remember that you don’t have to work your way up to that size and that with patience your body (anatomy speaking) can easily accommodate that size.

Once you’ve gotten to a comfortable point of your anal exploration and you want to try anal sex start very slow and maybe warm up with your partner doing other fun stuff in the bedroom to make
them feel more relaxed. Remember that shit happens and the deeper your bum-play is, the more likely you will encounter poop. You can try an enema or douching kit beforehand to try to cut down on the mess but remember that you really shouldn’t do this more than once a week no matter how much you love butt stuff and to always use only lukewarm water with no chemicals. Pegging starter kits are also great for beginning to explore anal sex because they are often inexpensive and have short, narrow pegs for easy penetration. After enjoying that for a while you can always upgrade to big and better strap-on kits.

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The Booty Blog: 3. Lubrication, Lubrication, Lubrication

By: Lilith

During my journey into anal and as a sex store clerk I’ve discovered one very important thing… Lube is key. Unlike the vagina, the anus, or any parts of your bum do not have a self-lubricating system. Spit or god help me, water is not good lubrication at all. Women hate it when their legs chafe in the summer or worse men hate it when their balls chafe, imagine in your butt… wait don’t because it is horrible. Let alone, without proper lubrication during anal play, you can actually tear and deeply hurt your arse-hole and the anal canal. So for the purpose of the Booty Blog I’ve come up with a top 5 anal lubes that you can find at Wicked Wanda’s and which will definitely get the job done.

  1. My absolute favorite lube for everything sexy-time related including anal is Hathor’s SUTIL One of the only water-based lubes on our list, SUTIL is a fantastic lube that is eco-friendly and chemical-free. What makes SUTIL different than the other Hathor products is that it is meant to feel like silicone but it is water-based. Through my experience with it, I completely agree that it does feel like silicone in that it is thicker than traditional water-based lubes. That said, it is still water-based so it will eventually start absorbing into the skin.
    Add some spit or water, even more lube and it will come right back to life. The reason I like this lube so much is because it is great for sensitive skin, leaves very little residue and it is completely safe with all toys including silicone. It also has a wonderful consistency that feels luxuriant. The price is a little steep at $24.99+taxes for 4oz/ 120 ml but that is because it is a Canadian made product shipped from Vancouver and it is made from fantastic natural ingredients, rather than harsh chemicals.

Note: Be careful about silicone lubes, while they are the go to for a lot of people’s anal play because they are thicker and longer-lasting, they play too nice with silicone toys. Silicone lube and toys tend to start melting into each other which ruins your toy’s integrity and eventually makes the toy useless. Of course you can use silicone lube with non-silicone toys and if you are just going with a straight up penis or fingers. It is also a misconception that you can’t have a condom on and do silicone lube at the same time. There is nothing about silicone lube that is harmful to condoms, that is oil-based lube and it is rare to find oil in lubes these days because of it.

  1. The only other water-based lube on this list is our second place product: Sliquid’s Sassy Nicknamed the booty gel, this lube is long-lasting and totally safe. This lube gets second place because it is glycerin and paraben free like our SUTIL friend but is not Canadian made. The booty gel is great for a water-based anal lube because it has a thick consistency and gets the job done. It is tasteless, scentless and entirely vegan. I like this one a little less than the SUTIL because of a difference in consistency and the less eco-friendly nature of the highly-produced Sliquid brand. For a 4oz/ 120ml it is $14.99+ taxes. The 8.5 oz/ 255ml is $24.99+taxes.
  2. Next on the list is Sliquid’s Silver This is a purely silicone-based lube and it has everything one could want with a thick, silicone lube. It is smooth and simple. Sliquid is a great brand because all of their products are glycerin and paraben free, including being vegan and always consistent. This particular one is hypoallergenic, scent-free and waterproof. It can be used as an anal or vaginal lube and for sensual massage because it lasts so long. That said, it is silicone so you cannot use it with silicone toys and sometimes silicone lube stains sheets. Another one of those lubes that gets the job done for an affordable price. For 4.2oz/ 125ml it is $16.99+ taxes and for 8.5oz/ 255ml it is $29.99+taxes. You’ll notice with silicone lubes they almost always cost more because the lube itself is more expensive to make.
  3. Gun Oil is our fourth place anal product but by no means is it lacking in fantastic performance capabilities. Gun Oil is another silicone lubricant that is extremely popular when we feature it in the store. It is simple and doesn’t weigh heavy on the skin or seem to coat the skin undesirably but it does lubricate really well. Like mentioned before, you do not want to use silicone toys with this one but it is popular for those coming in with a lot of experience with anal play. It doesn’t beat out the Sliquid silicone lube because it does have chemicals and doesn’t guarantee being free of parabens or glycerin.
  4. The last lube on this top 5 list is unique in ingredients and consistency.  is the only partially oil-based lube you can find at Wicked Wanda’s but it uses oil in its ingredients for a reason. A hybrid of oil and silicone, this lube lasts a very long time and washes out of cloth and off of skin. While we do not recommend using condoms at all with this lubricant because it can immediately compromise the condoms integrity, it is a great lube for anal. There is the option of getting Boy Butter without the oil yet it doesn’t necessarily last as long. This lube is great for anal sex with wiggly bits and no condoms but due to the restrictions on usage, it gets 5th

Lube is absolutely necessary when experimenting with anal, either with toys or anal sex with fleshy bits. While it helps keep you safe from causing unwanted damage, it also makes it way more pleasurable for all involved. Even when experimenting solo, I found lube was fundamental for a good experience. Even using my own self-made lubrication was not enough for the long haul. You may also like to check out lubricant inserters for less mess and lube exactly where you want it. They look like fun little swords but they are great, especially for deep anal play with longer toys or with a penis.

You can find all of these products at Wicked Wanda’s today. Thank you to Wicked Wanda’s for facilitating my research into what is the best anal lube!

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The Booty Blog: 2. Diagrams and Wiggly Bits

By: Lilith

As a fairly inexperienced anal explorer, my first step was research. This might be because of my well-earned nerd status, but as I’ve heard horror stories, like I’m sure many have, I thought it would be better to consult the experts.  The most important and practical thing I learned was to study the anatomy and to not let yourself be grossed out by it. We all vaguely remember being in elementary or high-school staring at what was supposedly diagrams of our innards and wiggly bits. Even now it is hard not to giggle just a little at the strange and wonderful machine that is our body.

Yet when it comes to anal play, anatomy becomes fundamental, if not “avoiding the hospital” important. Male and female anatomy share many things in common, arguably we are far more alike than medicine has lead us to believe over the years and our nether regions are no different. Both genders have external sphincters, PC muscles, internal sphincters, rectums and colons; which makes up what most would call the butthole and/or anus. Check out the diagrams below. Men have the added bonus of having their prostate gland (or male G-Spot) very close to their rectal canal and thus anal can be especially intense and pleasurable for men.



When inserting a lubricated finger into your bum, you’ll notice two rings of muscles that you have to let adjust to your finger and which bring you further in. These are the external and internal sphincters. They are fantastic mechanisms that can work together and separately to achieve different things. I discovered through exploration of my own and research, that there are a ton of nerve-endings which is what makes touch by fingers, tongue or toys so pleasurable for some. Yet those nerve-endings reside only really in the first portions of the bumhole. This discovery was super interesting for me because it helped me to understand what I wanted.

Do I want a lot of sensations in an area that is sensitive? Great, stick to the first few inches in.

Do I want a feeling of fullness and pleasure from pressure? Look into longer toys or anal sex with a penis.

One of the main concerns I have heard from folks over the years and which I have my own concerns about as well, is the dreaded feces. No one wants to encounter poop while having sexy times and frankly, while enjoying anal, shit happens. Yet the likelihood of it happening is much lower than most are aware of. Especially in the first few inches of your butt, you are not likely to find any feces bits at all. I’ve noticed that it is still a small battle with myself to not be weirded out by the possibility, yet knowing more about that area has helped in this regard. Once you start experimenting with bigger toys or a penis and you get closer to the colon; that is when you may encounter some poop.

Tip: During a shower or bath before sexy times, take a finger and explore your bum. You will get to know your butt better and you can help clean out any bits that might be hanging out in the first few inches. For those going deeper or that are very concerned about encountering poop, you can try douching or what is also known as enemas. Stay tuned for more on that in future blogs. The number 1 thing about douching/ enemas is that you use a kit and that you use luke-warm water with no chemicals in it (including the chemicals you can find in enema kits). You also do not want to do it often, maybe once a week max because you do not want to upset your bacterial balance and make your colon dependent on external factors to function properly.

Frankly, if you encounter some poop, laugh about it and clean up. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect and that’s okay. What isn’t okay is when we shame ourselves and our bodies for what happens naturally. I found that during my own exploration, I got more and more comfortable with the fact that I was playing with my butthole and that shit happens. I try to keep a Kleenex box nearby for quick cleanup and a robe close at hand so I can travel to the washroom quickly to wash my hands without getting spotted by my roommate.

Lastly on the point of anatomy:

Yes, stuff can get sucked up and disappear into your butt. A scary reality if you’ve watched any ER or Gray’s Anatomy episodes but it is true. This is because objects can go all the way up into the colon and further. Unlike the vagina which has a cervix to stop objects from going further up, the rectum doesn’t have a stopgap. That’s why dildos and butt plugs are two different shapes. Things going in your butt have to have a flared base or be attached to a person (penis) so that it doesn’t do the Houdini. That’s why people can take footballs or fists up in there because the bumhole can accommodate many different shapes and sizes.

When experimenting with just my fingers I found that lube was absolutely necessary and should be spread on the finger and on the hole itself for an easier time and a more sensual experience. Interestingly, I found that when I pushed out slightly that the opening opened further and also welcomed in what I was attempting. While I found that I did not get a lot of sexual stimulation from the small insertion; combined with a small vibrator on the clitoris made for a rather explosive orgasm. I am excited to try a vibrating butt-plug because my vibrator running a little bit south felt surprisingly good. Trying with a finger in the bath or shower was also a nice experience and doubled as a little bit of extra cleaning.

 

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The Booty Blog: 1. The Tentative Plunge

By: Lilith

I suppose if I think back to my first experience with anal it was a painful and accidental incident which may have set the tone for much of my future exploration of the backdoor possibilities. Essentially, his penis slipped and entered the wrong door. Not a terribly uncommon happening for women out there that enjoy being vaginally penetrated, but it sure was quite a surprise for me at the time. Yet, as a very sex-positive person who enjoys experimenting by nature, I was and am always willing to try something new and anal always seemed to come back up with partners down the road. While in my head I never considered anal gross or dirty, I had to battle with some kind of learned negative reaction to it. Questions like: what if we encounter… poop. Now that is gross right? Wouldn’t that kill the mood? I know this comes from a much ingrained cultural body-shaming machine which says that the backdoor is in some way unnatural. Yet natural and unnatural are complete fabrications of our human mind. If you believe in God, how can you say that one body part was meant for one thing when you don’t know the ultimate plan? Or if you are more comfortable with science, are we not creatures that adapt to our environment, wants and needs. We made oral sex work for us, why not anal? Do you know how many germs are in the human mouth? I certainly saw anal once I discovered my dad’s porn stash as a kid, and it appeared to my young eyes that there wasn’t anything wrong with it as obviously there were women and men out there that enjoyed it and didn’t die immediately of disease or shame. Yet there has always been a barrier for me in truly giving my arsehole some attention and I think part of that is this insistent cultural nagging voice in the back of my head saying that something bad will happen. It is certainly true that anal takes time and can be difficult to enjoy, some never do. As I adventure as a sex store cleric I encounter countless people that seem wonderfully brave, because they are not afraid of their bodies and the functions which it does normally. They enjoy pleasure and laugh off the accidents that happen and they reject societal concerns over the dirty-hole. I want to be like that too and by recording my exploration of anal for Wicked Wanda’s readers; I hope to make myself more comfortable with my own body in all of its kooks and crannies.

This series of blog posts will explore my personal journey through the wonderful land of anal, as I experiment and find ways that it works for me, and maybe you’ll find ways it works for you or think of some new ways to breach the other gates. I am a cis-gendered woman and work in a sex store, so some of my experiences may not reflect what you or others have done or felt in your own exploration. This is why I will be welcoming guest writers to share their own anal adventures for your reading pleasure.

Sex should be fun and we can have fun by experimenting in a sex-positive environment which breeds education and further understanding. Our bunghole is just one access- point, where we can achieve a higher level of sex-positivity and maybe have some mind-blowing orgasms at the same time.

 

Terms:

Cis-gendered- When the wiggly bits I was born with and society identified as male or female, matches the gender identity (masculine or feminine) that I feel most embodies who I am

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Glass Dildos by LoveStyle – Review

By: Lilith

My first encounter with glass dildos was strangely violent and fascinating at the same time. My inaugural Sexapalooza, I was walking towards the LoveStyle booth chatting with my friends about my fascination with glass dildos but how ultimately my fear of horrific glass shards lacerating my bits stopped me from ever fully exploring the option. The lady behind the table must have heard our discussion as we approached because without a word, she grabbed the nearest glass beauty and smashed it as hard as possible against the table in front of her. It was terrifying. Yet she proved her point with flair – there is no chance a vagina is going to break the dildo if the table or floor can’t.

Today I am reviewing the LoveStyle product-line of glass dildos and specifically the Lotus. This dildo is beautiful and efficient as the artistic form of the LoveStyle products and the utility has my adult sexual vixen happily jumping in her panties. The very appearance of the dildos is what first caught my eye years ago at Sexapalooza, as they reminded me of the elegant water-pipes that one can find in certain herbal-friendly shops. An artisan touch which makes one think that maybe it could be displayed as an elegant paperweight on your desk without visitors screaming in fright or glee at the very sight of it.
 What can I say, I love pretty sex toys. Many of the different dildos have interesting artistic flairs, such as coloured glass and designs featured within the glass itself. A sophisticated toy for the city-chick or trendy couple as the designs and shapes are graceful and engaging.

While looks are most definitely a selling point while shopping for your next favourite toy, the practicality of it is even more important to consider. What are the benefits of glass, you might ask? First, it is easy to clean and maintain. You can simply use soap and water or toy-cleaner to keep your glass friend happy and healthy. Maintenance is practically non-existent as you do not have to worry about it hanging out with silicone friends to often (silicone toys should be kept separate from each other because they can melt into each other- cute in metaphor but bad for your toys and budget). You also do not have to worry about battery decay or surface degradation because the glass will not wear down, nor does it come with batteries. Lastly, you can use any lube you want with it – silicone or water-based play nicely with the glass. I love that it is so incredibly easy to clean and it is fully water-proof as well. Playing in the bath with them makes bath-time loads of fun for solo play or with a partner.

My absolute favourite part of owning a glass dildo is that you can heat them up or cool them down. Imagine if you will, the warm blanket feeling after pulling one right out of the dryer: now imagine that amazing feeling on your bits! Warming them up got me riled up so quickly that I wondered where those animal noises had come from. Don’t put your toy in the microwave or in a bowl of boiling water because you will have to wait to use it- no fun. I put my dildo in the washroom sink and turned the hot water on over it. I then brushed my teeth and by the time I was done, so was my friend – ready for sensual fun. Or you can cool it down in a bowl of ice or under cold water for a few minutes. While I wouldn’t recommend starting with a chilly dildo, after lots sensual fun where one is sweaty and over-sensitive- the cold can feel wonderful, just like playing with ice cubes. The great part about glass, is that it retains the heat or cold very well, so you have more time for temperature play then say an ice cube or warm towel. Alternatives for getting the hot and cold feeling are condoms or lubricant but I would give a word of caution with those products. Some work, but always read the ingredients and see what chemical makes that sensation happen – some are alright for the body and some, like alcohol, are not good. Being able to get the hot/cold sensation free from chemicals is a huge bonus for me and I think a lot of women and partners out there will appreciate that too.

Lastly, there are negatives to this product, but I would more describe them as “six of one, half dozen of the other” points. The glass is very hard, there is no soft texture like silicone which can simulate skin for the glass dildos. This can make the adjustment for penetration difficult at times or it takes longer foreplay to insert the toy. This also means that you feel everything, the dildo does not absorb any of your vibrations but instead one feels all of the curves and pulses that your own body and the toy provides. Another positive/negative is that the toys are fairly heavy. This means that using the toy can be tiresome after a long while of use both with partners or solo play. I appreciate the weight of it because you can use the weight to your advantage to gain greater depth of penetration and I’ve always enjoyed how weight can often be an indicator of quality- like stone pendants and other artistic items. My third point is the price. These toys are expensive with prices ranging from $110 to $200 and considering you can get rubber dildos for $10, it seems like a lot of money. Likewise, you can find glass dildos online for $40. Often times however when it comes to sex toys – you get what you pay for. I would not trust $40 glass dildos near my partner’s or my genitalia, when you go to those company’s websites, you’ll see the sketchy nature of cheap products. With the LoveStyle products, you get quality no matter what. A toy which lasts you a lifetime and you know without a doubt of the authenticity of the product is worth the extra money.

You can find great glass dildos which can be used for vaginal, anal and sensation play. Like all of the dildos, can be used on both ends for all kinds of play!

Thank you to Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium for allowing me to review this stellar product. In exchange for an honest review, I was given this toy to try out!

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Review – SUTIL by Hathor – Best Lube Ever?

By: Lilith

There is a small but strong cultural idea that if one needs lube during sex, then someone (often the woman) is doing it wrong. Of course that is only from the heterosexual perspective but even as I work in a sex store, I still encounter people who think lube is only for when you need help. Yet, on the flipside, we sell lube like it is going out of fashion. What have some people discovered that others have not? Well I’m not one of those people who believe lube is only for those who need it, but I don’t often use it. Through my time as a sex store cleric, you grow to know the different lubricants, their purposes; texture, smell and you tend to find one that you love the most. For me that is the SUTIL Lube by Hathor.

“Hathor is the feminine principal of health, beauty, sensuality, love… eroticism. It is all the same to us. We believe that sex plays an important role in health and well-being. The Products that you purchase for sex should be as natural and healing as your facial products… and having aphrodisiacs in your facial products can only enhance your day!”

Melta Swift

I can’t rant and rave enough about this lubricant because it hits me in all the good places: pleasurable, long-lasting, eco-friendly and Canadian. The Hathor brand was created in 1989 by Melta Swift and Nathanda Swift in Vancouver; they had specialized in plant aphrodisiacs in spa treatment products and then moved to the erotic industry with their Hathor lubricants. All of their product-line is chemical, paraben, glycerin free with botanical eco-certified ingredients. You ask what does eco-certified mean?

The Eco-cert standard

“The use of ingredients derived from renewable resources, manufactured by environmentally friendly processes.” Eco-cert therefore checks: The absence of GMO, parabens, phenoxyethanol, nanoparticles, silicon, PEG, synthetic perfumes and dyes, animal-derived ingredients (unless naturally produced by them: milk, honey, etc.) and the biodegradable or recyclable nature of packaging.”

Finding an eco-friendly and Canadian brand of lube is amazing and it helps that the lube itself is absolutely fantastic. SUTIL (pronounced subtle) is the newest of their products to come out and what makes it distinct is that it feels like silicone but is water-based. When shopping for lube, generally I recommend going with water-based because it is totally safe with toys and doesn’t stain like silicone can. That said many people find that water-based runs dry fairly quickly which can be a pain. Those looking for long-last lubricants (especially for anal) tend to go towards silicone-based lubes because they are thicker and generally longer-lasting. Yet, a lot of the good toys we get today are made with silicone, and silicone toys and lube do not play nice with each other, or more accurately, they place too nice and start to melt into each other. Like I’ve said before, a cute metaphor but bad for your toys and pocketbook. That is why I like SUTIL so much because it is totally safe with all toys and it is actually thick like advertised.

An application that I hadn’t thought of but discovered with the SUTIL lube was the pleasure of waiting. While lube can be wonderful to get the party going with a bang, what it can also do is build-up to THE BANG. For some, friction is what makes masturbation or foreplay with a partner result in an orgasm. I discovered with SUTIL that you have to enjoy the smoothness of the lube and really get the engines roaring before you can start to feel real friction with a toy or whatnot. That means that when finally ready to orgasm it is bigger and better because it wasn’t rushed. You can also use SUTIL for sensual touching on erroneous zones and it is absolutely fantastic for anal play!

I don’t have a lot of criticisms for this product and the criticisms I do have are more from a customer with a small pocketbook then the actual product itself. This lube is expensive when looking at the other options for lube. It is $24.99 for a 4oz/ 120ml bottle and does not come readily available in other sizes. There is no small tester bottle you can take home. That said the price is fairly understandable when you consider that the product is Canadian made and eco-friendly with really fine ingredients. When compared to other silicone-based lubes which range around $20.00 for the same amount, the price is pretty fair for the product received. Did I mention the bottle is 100% biodegradable?

I absolutely love this product for all kinds of sexual playing and with no real taste, there is nothing stopping you from enjoying all of your sexy times with SUTIL. This product makes my wiggly bits and my socially-conscious self very happy and I highly recommend everyone to try Hathor and specifically the SUTIL lubricant.

Thank you to Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium for allowing me to review this stellar product. In exchange for an honest review, I was given this toy to try out!